I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
where are my eyebrows?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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