I want to stick my p in your. b.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
