Are my feet made of real feet?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
