I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
