Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
now i know why i became what i already was.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
