Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
