You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
