fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
