At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
