yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
