Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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