I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Randomize
