i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I wish there were birth control emojis
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
