im drinking this country out of the recession.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
