Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
