someone threw a dead crab at me
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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