Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
