Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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