If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
