So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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