I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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