I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i've created a new STD.
I just want nice things and good sex
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
