it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Congratulations! We have a period
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