I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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