So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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