Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
