People with herpes should wear stickers.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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