Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So many bounce houses so little time
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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