the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
