Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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