i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
