last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
