wanna go halves on a baby?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
