This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
