too bad you live with your parents still
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
