I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
