He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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