my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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