so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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