you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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