I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
