I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
