Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
