We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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