Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
