I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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