Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
