Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
