That's intense
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
