I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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