I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
