I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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