i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
