Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So apparently I’m into choking now
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
